We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
