yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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