if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
