I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
