My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize