She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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