If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
