i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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