I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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