Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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