Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
