Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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