Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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