Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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