Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
