I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
