It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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