You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
