I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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