We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
