oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
