if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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