I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
