You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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