I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize