i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
