If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
