Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found puke in my bra..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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