is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
