There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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