I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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