i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
