John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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