just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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