called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
