I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
