jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ruined the universe
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
