Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
