It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
