We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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