I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
