I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
