ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you have feelings for this penis?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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