Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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