He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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