dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize