I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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