He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize