You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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