So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
