I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
