I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
