yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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