i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
