CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's get the cat blown out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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