sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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