I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize