I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mom said you looked used
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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