If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
