My liver just broke up with me...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
