The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize