I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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