There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
