so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
