Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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