You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
