dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
two words: eviction party
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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