i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
