There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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