Four minutes until I can fart!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
