this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
