I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
