Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
