Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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