Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
