He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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