Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize