did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
