That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
