Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
