Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
