I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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