Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
