Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
