You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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