She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
