You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
