I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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