I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
