Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
