Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
