I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
