remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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