Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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