im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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