Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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