We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
