Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
