I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize