Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
