Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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