don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
