We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
