so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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