I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
