He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
